Reflections

Sometimes I can think straight.  Sometimes I can have a logical thought.  Sometimes I can't.  Today, I have had a few quiet moments where God has allowed me time to reflect on some things.

As I was spending some time with the baby earlier, I was struck with the realization of how dependent he is on me.  I've thought about that before with my own kids, but this time as the thought struck me, I began to think about it deeper in relation to myself and Christ.  Bear with me trying to put this in to words as my moments of clarity and quiet reflection have passed.

Earlier, the baby began to fuss as he was waking up from his nap.  I went in to go get him.  As soon as he saw me, a huge, ear-to-ear grin spread across his face.  He knew me.  He trusted whole-heartedly that I was coming to get him and help him.  He's hungry, he needs changed, he needs cuddle time...whatever his needs were in that moment, he knew I was coming to meet them.  Even in the midst of whatever his struggle was, he knew he could cry out and I would be there.  I picked him up and just stood there, praying.  God, I want to be this dependent on You.  I want to cry out and trust whole-heartedly that you are there, waiting to help me.  In my darkest times of need and through all of my struggles, You are there.  I know that, yet...I don't always trust it.  I want to be in the middle of crying out to You only to feel Your presence and have a huge, ear-to-ear grin spread across my face just because I feel You are there. 

It's laughable to think about me going into the baby's room and hearing him say, "It's ok...I got this one.  I can change myself.  I can feed myself.  I can handle this." because he can't.  How many times do I say that to God?  "It's fine, God.  I don't need you.  I've got this one."  Or, I maybe I sound like my 2 year-old, stomping my foot and saying, "I do it." When in fact, I can't.  The Lord told the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness."  I want my weaknesses to be an opportunity for God's power to be made perfect in me.

One of my favorite things is to see my children run into the arms of their Daddy.  I love the stretched out arms knowing that he is going to envelop them and hold them tight as soon as they get to him.  I love the squeal of, "Daaaaaddy!!!!!"  They know his love for them.  There is no doubt.  Why do I so often doubt the love of my Abba Father?  Oh, how I long for the day when I will run into His arms, free of the weight of this world, with a huge, ear-to-ear grin across my face.  Who knows? Maybe I will even squeal. ;)