More Confessions of a Stay-At-Home Mom

I have a confession to make...some days I hate my job.  Everyone tells me to "cherish these moments" because the go so fast and I try.  I really try.  I know I will miss my children being little someday, but at times I just cannot see that through the fog of the daily grind.  I do cherish my children--a lot!  I love them all SO much and I can't imagine life without them.  When I hear of children dying, I hold my kids a little tighter.  I can't imagine the grief and the pain those parents endure.  And then...I feel guilty.  I feel guilty for wishing away these days, these years, and this time with my children. 

When fits are thrown and the attitudes appear, I want to throw in the towel.  I want to quit.  I want to let them go and say "so what?" or "fine, just act like that".  I feel like I will never see the reward for all of my hard work.  Will they turn out ok?  Will they grow to know and love God?  Will they be responsible citizens?  Is what I'm doing every day the right thing?  I don't know!  I'm a perfectionist at heart and I want to know that what I'm doing will have a perfect outcome.

I guess God knows what he's doing, huh?  He's entrusted four children to me--four!  Knowing that I am a perfectionist and that some days I would hate my job (and feel guilty for it), he still gave them to me.  He knew that I would cry sometimes because I can't stand one more kid vomiting, coughing, whining, or crying.  He knew that I would get angry and yell.  He knew everything and He still chose to bless me.  He also knew that I would laugh until I cried because of the funny things the kids do and say.  He knew that I would see how hard it is to be a parent and appreciate my parents more.  He knew that I would need to rely on him daily for His strength in childrearing.  He knew that I would understand the sacrifice of His Son even more.  He knew that I would better understand how it felt for Him to watch His Son suffer.  He knew.

So, on the days when I'm not strong enough to do this and I want to throw in the towel, I know He's there.  He's quietly teaching me to be patient as He is patient with me.  I sin time and time again and yet He forgives.  So, why can't I give my children the same gift of forgiveness and patience?  He's shaping me.  He's molding me.  He's making me the mom that He wants me to be.  I just need to allow it.